War on Pollen...ism
Boston, Massachusetts - April 19, 2006.
In a bold and unexpected move, Spring made a dramatic frontal assault on Boston this week, releasing pollen into the air and confusing citizens with an onslaught of colours and odours. There were unconfirmed reports of trees, formerly thought harmless due to their dead appearence, sprouting leaves at an alarming rate which could only be explained by bioterrorism or possibly witchcraft. Strange behaviour was reported amongst the local residents, who recklessly removed heavy winter jackets and proceeded to lounge on the grass while consuming ice cream. Authorities belive that this may be due to neurotoxins released by Spring, but also speculated on a link to Iranian secret agent spy-types.
When reached for comment at an undisclosed location, President Bush issued the following statement. "hmmummaa........freedom. Terrorists...bad. What? Smoke 'em out...on the run...liberty. Values! Get 'em...American pie. Axis of Evil...eagle, free, democracy. Constant threat? Freedom." Vice-president Dick Cheney responded to the news by shooting Spring in the face and chest, eventually commenting that he didn't mean to do it and Spring shouldn't have been standing there when he fired.
In a bold and unexpected move, Spring made a dramatic frontal assault on Boston this week, releasing pollen into the air and confusing citizens with an onslaught of colours and odours. There were unconfirmed reports of trees, formerly thought harmless due to their dead appearence, sprouting leaves at an alarming rate which could only be explained by bioterrorism or possibly witchcraft. Strange behaviour was reported amongst the local residents, who recklessly removed heavy winter jackets and proceeded to lounge on the grass while consuming ice cream. Authorities belive that this may be due to neurotoxins released by Spring, but also speculated on a link to Iranian secret agent spy-types.
When reached for comment at an undisclosed location, President Bush issued the following statement. "hmmummaa........freedom. Terrorists...bad. What? Smoke 'em out...on the run...liberty. Values! Get 'em...American pie. Axis of Evil...eagle, free, democracy. Constant threat? Freedom." Vice-president Dick Cheney responded to the news by shooting Spring in the face and chest, eventually commenting that he didn't mean to do it and Spring shouldn't have been standing there when he fired.
posted by Dexter at
6:23 p.m.
4 Comments:
Similar sightings are now confirmed in Sherwood Park Alberta... We must stop mother nature... She has weapons of Mass Destruction and no passport... Ahhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
By
Will, at 8:42 p.m.
From what I hear, President Bush has refused to rule out a nuclear strike in order to stop the insidious spread of Spring throughout America. He has also denied that his war on Pollen-ism is simply an attempt to get his hands on Spring's vast maple syrup reserves, which could potentially be used to top American waffles for decades to come.
By
Dexter, at 9:40 p.m.
This is so awesome it makes me puke: http://www.abcnews.go.com/GMA/story?id=1896137&page=1
By
Anonymous, at 7:10 p.m.
Hey, I happen to love watching the totally impartial and non-crazy Fox News take on the world. I especially appreciate the way they explain everything in little tiny words (stuff is hard) and coat their studios in thick layers of American flags. It makes it easier to understand that freedom is good and terrorists are bad and that I should always vote for Republicans.
By
Dexter, at 6:33 a.m.
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